My aggressive journey to say a few words. (AKA) I'll be saying stuff that won't matter to many of you but it'll ALL mean something to me.
not how you want to be doin'
Published on April 21, 2004 By wnx_decoy In Philosophy
I'm sure you're all guilty of lying about how you're doin'. When someone asks, "Hey, ____ how ya doin'?" I bet that you will almost always answer by saying good, fine, swell, so on and so forth... It's no surprise any more when you ask someone how they're doin' becuase it's always the same answer.

I know that everyone wants to put on a good face for others, but shouldn't there be a line at which you shouldn't cross? If you are guilty of doing what I'm talking about then you have to come to a conclusion, is there something wrong with you or are you just scared to tell how it is? I bet that even, the always blunt, Muggaz is guilty of this one. I know I am.

I found it to be strange that my pastor even thinks this is a serious problem, because you know he's got to get tired of greeting people to find that everyone's "good". You would have thought he liked us being good, but I think the problem is that he knows that not that many people can all be doing "good" every time he seems them.

I was talking to bigdreamer a little bit ago and of course we asked each other how we were. I said something the lines of being good except for being extremely tired, but basically I said, "I'm good." Then, later in our conversation I asked her, "How about you? How are you doin'?" Guess what she said... I'll give you two guesses. She, too, said that she was doing good. Now, I don't think she was lyeing to me just because everyone says it, but it reminded me of how often we lie so that no one knows how much we want to fit in with 'everyone else'.

I then brought up the subject I am talking to you about right now. At first she said that if she wasn't doing good than she'd say so. Just a few seconds later she changed on me and told me about how she went to church and told people a few times that she was doing ok, even though she really wasn't. I'm just going to leave it at that, so I don't offend her. (I'm sorry if you didn't really want me to use you as an example.)

I'm sure my next point is at least known to all of you... Notes! How hard do you find it sometimes to read "Hey wuz up?! Not much here. How ya doin'? I'm doin pretty good except for..."? I must admit that sometimes I want to just lash out when I have to read that stuff. I know it's fake. It's like we have gone from starting with 'Dear Mr./Mrs. ____' and gone to 'Hey wuz up?! ...'

When you read a note, the person who wrote it most likely wants you to feel good at the beginning so you will read the rest of the note. That's probably why it has become second nature for people to start out like that? Now, you start reading, you like the beginning because it seems happy, and then, almost instantly, the note goes bad. Someone's cheating on you, your friend got in a fight, your biggest 'enemy' got yelled at, something like that. It almost always happens.

Then, there's always the grand "How ya'll doin'?" When you go to a concert and the artist yells, "Hello _____!" and then you get "How's everybody doing tonight?" What do you get each time? Cheers of 'happiness'? No, cheers of momentary comfort. While some of the audience may really be having a good time, there's a good number of people out there screaming their heads off when they know their life is sucking at the moment. How can people do that on purpose? Going to something like that is like taking yourself somewhere to lie as loud as you possibly can.

Someone's day just died... how are they doin? good
Someone's dog just ran away... how are they doin? good
Your best friend was raped... how are you doin? good
You wrecked your car, endangering others' lives... how are you all doin? good

Are you noticing a patern yet? We lie to look good. If people would only realize what they are doing by always saying they are doing good, you would hear more replies like, not too great, sucky, could be better, alright I guess, good, alright, awesome, this day has been a living HECK!!!

That's what I want to see (well hear)! I want the truth, even if it DOES hurt. The truth is easier to treat than a lie. If you are being beaten by your parents and you say you're good you are endangering you life. If you say that your life is horrible and you want it to stop, than people can help more easily. It's almost all about being honest with yourself AND others.

Have you ever gone to a party and asked a friend how they were doing? I wonder how many said they were miserable.
Have you ever entered a restaurant such as Olive Garden, and been asked how you doing this evening? I bet you said you were wonderful, or something like that.

Why do we have to lie to look good? I know I've said this same thing several times in this one article but I can't stress enough, how hard you should work to tell the truth about how you are doing.

I believe I have said some contreversial things and I am willing to discuss any disagreements. I just don't want to argue disagreements. If you want to argue that's fine, I will, but I think just discussing it calmly will help to make your 'good' day, truly, a good day.



Capt. over and out!

Comments (Page 1)
2 Pages1 2 
on Apr 21, 2004
Have you ever entered a restaurant such as Olive Garden, and been asked how you doing this evening?


There's one gigantic hole in your theory right here... If I'm entering Olive Garden, then I am going great! no need to lie. That's my favorite restaurant...
on Apr 21, 2004
I don't do that anymore. I used to all the time, but now poeple don't even ask me anywhere because I'm always honest and most of the time they don't really want to start a conversation.

Just to have fun, next time somebody asks you, say in a bright, cheery tone, "suicidal." Good fun, good fun:)

~Buddha
on Apr 21, 2004
I suppose with me it all depends on who does the asking and the situation it is in. There are tons of people who ask me how I am doing and I know for fact that it is just a formality, just a way to kick start the conversation. Do I answer them honestly? Heavens no. They don't really want to know and what good is it going to do me to unload on an unsympathetic ear? None as I see it.

But to those who ask sincerely, hoping to know, I try to be honest with them. Sure, I hide stuff. It is just the way I am, and something I am working to overcome. But if they really want to know I feel that I owe them an honest answer.
on Apr 22, 2004
They don't really want to know and what good is it going to do me to unload on an unsympathetic ear? None as I see it.

Well, maybe I just don't understand the purpose of JoeUser, but it seems to me that I can say whatever I want. Some of you aren't going to be sympathetic when I post an article. Others will read and state their worry for me. As I see it, this is a place where you can tell the details to an unsympathetic 'ear' and I'm glad it is. I tell people that I don't know, some serious things about me at times. Do I worry about it? No way! I'm going to be honest with myself and tell someone how I'm doin' if they ask. I'm not going to lie just because they don't seem to want to know. They should find a new way to start conversations. I always liked to just say, "Hey!" and then start talking.

Just to have fun, next time somebody asks you, say in a bright, cheery tone, "suicidal." Good fun, good fun:)

I've done that to my Band teacher before at Band Camp. It didn't work like I planned though. Oh well. I guess you have to pick your battles...

If I'm entering Olive Garden, then I am going great! no need to lie. That's my favorite restaurant...

Well sure, Olive Garden is an awesome restaurant but what if you were going with someone who planned it out a long time ago and that day you were miserable? Huh? Then are you going to turn how your whole day went, into a good day because good food neutralized the bad day?

I'm sure you were just kidding around and all but I'm gonna try and be serious on this one, if you don't mind too much.

Capt. over and out!
on Apr 22, 2004
that day you were miserable? Huh? Then are you going to turn how your whole day went, into a good day because good food neutralized the bad day?


umm... yeah! not only is the good food going to neutralize the bad day, it's going to make it better! I think you and I have different ideas about where good and bad moods come from.

We have a choice whether we want to be happy or miserable... I choose to be happy. Now granted that doesn't always show, cause i'm not an open book, but that doesn't mean i'm not happy. I'm not saying I don't have bad days, but I gotta be honest with you dude... i don't get in a bad mood very often, and when I do, it doesn't last very long. It's a choice I make... I choose to be happy
on Apr 22, 2004
... I choose to be happy


that's good to know. I do too, it's just that we all have off days, and even though food is my favorite past time, I can't change the mood I'm in just because I ate. Even when I'm trying to be serious in my articles I'm not angry or anything like that either. I'm almost always in a good mood too. If I wasn't it would make it hard to be sarcastic with all of my good friends all the time.

Capt. over and out!
on Apr 22, 2004
Well, maybe I just don't understand the purpose of JoeUser, but it seems to me that I can say whatever I want.


Oh absolutely. Perhaps we misunderstood each other. I didn't realize you were talking about here. I was talking about real time, day to day interaction with those around me. You know, the random person you run into on the street who says "Hey, how you doing?" I don't feel any need to be honest with them.

But here is a blog site, a place for you to specifically write whatever you want. I never meant to imply otherwise.
on Apr 22, 2004
... you are correct Cap'n....

I dont know though... If i have problems, I dont want to tell other people about them though!!! If everyone is happy, why bring the mood down? you know what i mean??? I am generally really happy for most of the time anyway dude, so when someone asks me how i am, they always get a cheesy grin and a big 'how r ya?' right back at them!!

There are some people though that no matter what, they will always find something to whinge about when you ask them how they are, and quite frankly, i dont want to hear it!!! If i can help, i most certainly will... alas, would you rather talk to the happy dudes? or the perennial cry babies?

Bluedev was right when he said it's dependant on who was asking the question!!!! I wont ask the question to someone if i genuinely dont care about their response though!!! I replace it with "Whats goin on?" cause i dont want to be rude now, do i?

BAM!!!
on Apr 22, 2004
I didn't realize you were talking about here.

I was talking about real time along with here. I guess you two have proven my aproach wrong. Thank you. Have a good day!

Capt. over and out!
on Apr 22, 2004
Nice article, Capt! I agree wholeheartedly. You asked if we lie to look good. I probably do some of the time, but I think, honestly, that's it's more habit. I don't really even think before I answer. I was thinking about the moment, and greeting that person, not about my horrible night before, ya know? I like Dan's idea... "suicidal" hahahaha

Imajinit~ Olive Garden's my favourite restaurant as well! Do you ever notice that they always play the same song(s) though? "When the moon hits your eye, like big pizza pie detzamorie"... lol...

Sarah
on Apr 22, 2004
We lie to look good.


Capt~yeah, that's the idea of it. But ALSO because most people fear criticism and rejection big time. Plus most folks don't wanna be ALONE too much. And you will be ALONE big time~if you are forever telling folks how you really feel inside? I figured this out from an amazing experiment I tried out when I was 19 y/o. For a whole solid month~I told the truth about myself~literally. So if I felt suicidal~I told people about it. If I felt depressed~I told people about it. If I felt closer to God (or like I was being pushed away) I told people about it. But ONLY if they asked me first. Anyway, I lost almost ALL of my so-called Christian friends in a hurry, ended up losing my stupid minimum wage job, got evicted from the Christian rooming house I was living at, and ended up becoming homeless and ALMOST totally alone (I still had my personal relationship with GOD). As intense as all this sounds? Every bit of it is the truth! And what did I learn from this? The absolute truth about most things is not welcome on this swell little planet of ours AT ALL. Most folks only care about selective truth~and there's a vast difference. SO now I am just as superficial as the next guy. If I feel like jumping off a bridge in a hurry? And somebody actually asks me how my day is going? I will say: "Things couldn't be better for me dude." Why do I practice this kind of personal (but it very soon becomes collective)
dishonesty? Because I like people too much. And if you tell them the absolute truth about yourself on a day to day basis~you will suddenly find yourself very unhappy and alone. Very thought provoking article Capt! You just get better and better! Need more proof? Then check out my recent blog, huh? (Today's) I told everybody the shocking truth about your great passion for cheese and llamas big time! . Hope to chat with you soon dude...Oh, and I really am doing MUCH better now, huh? So thanks for asking! .

~MadPoet
on Apr 23, 2004
Most folks only care about selective truth~and there's a vast difference.


I agree. Good writing, both of you.
Here's the flipside... do you often ask how someone is doing, even though you don't really care? You're in a hurry, you don't particularly like that person much at all but just say hi, how are ya? only because it's your best friend's girlfriend's brother?
on Apr 23, 2004
Actually, if I don't like them, I don't talk to them. Is it just me?

Capt. over and out!
on Apr 23, 2004
do you often ask how someone is doing, even though you don't really care?


Nicky~I see the excellent point you are making here. But I think I have the advantage when it comes to that kind of thing? Because I am very close to being a full-time recluse! . So I don't really have very many chances to be nice to folks I really like or especially dislike? (Although I DO have many loyal friends I spend holidays and such with~but that is vastly different from what you meant here, huh?).

I guess in the cyberworld I actually do try to be civil to MOST folks~and I have gone out of my way to say a kind word or two to somebody that annoys me somewhat? But it's sooooooooo much easier to be BIG (or small for that matter) online....BTW: I like you and your intelligent blogs a lot~so don't think I'm just being civil to YOU now! . You brought up such an excellent point that I felt it deserved a longish response in a hurry (not to intrude on your turf CAPT? But Nicky did say BOTH of us had done a nice writng job? So that's why I felt it was cool to respond at length like this dude?).

Anyway, don't you think the Capt just came up with another really cool blog? I especially liked this one~very thought provoking for sure. So thanks for writing this dude. And thanks for the excellent point you brought up too Nicky. I feel like I am learning many important truths from this time we all shared together here.

~MadPoet

P.S. Hey Capt~ I am mad at you dude! . Seriously, how come you didn't take a quick peek at my shocking late night confessions blog (blogging section~a little bit buried by now...)? I wanted to find out your reaction to the stuff I said about you and cheese and llamas? . Maybe it was too long, huh? So did that scare you off? Let me know dude........MP

on Apr 24, 2004
So Capt. if you don't like them you don't talk to them?? Maybe that explains the whole thing with me and you when we first met each other back at soccer tournaments. I take it that you didn't like me then and that's why we had such a hard time talking maybe. I don't know.........it all just confuses me on how we used to dislike each other with such a passion and now we're really close friends. I mean one day we're fighting with each other and then the next day at band camp I distinctly remember asking you if you wanted to play a game of pool with me, then some how we got each others room keys switched, and then the next moment we're friends. When i read this article for some odd reason it made me think of then. I guess you could say it was like dayjavoo.(i don't know if i spelled that quite right) Well untill next time.........

~carebear~
2 Pages1 2