Is There Something Wrong?

... with me...

Published on July 1, 2004 By wnx_decoy In Life Journals

I was just thinking... I tend to try and be as calm as I can, and not get upset. I don't think I've really been upset enough to hurt someone in around 4 or 5 years. Maybe even longer. I can't remember. My parents are divorced, my oldest sister is a drug addict, she lost her first 3 children to her ex-husband, and her last child; she put up for adoption; is with my uncle. My next oldest sister had a child with a man who already had 2 children and a wife. My mom cries all the time because of all she has to do to keep them from loosing everything, and my little sister and I have a pretty good life other than for these few things.

It seems like no matter how much wrong someone has done to me, I still refuse to get mad. I hardly even show any emotion other than happiness, which I KNOW isn't always what I feel. My voice doesn't show the difference in how I'm feeling most of the time, so even when I am mad no one knows it.

Some little kid was throwing rocks at my car today and the first thing that I did was tell him not to hit the windows. I didn't even get up or try and scare him away. I just told him not to go too far.

Then some other kid jumped into my car and started looking around in it, and I said it was ok because I still had my phone, keys, and wallet on me.

Do you think I have anger-management problems?

There's definitely more things that I could talk about that make me "upset" but don't get to me because I refuse to allow it. Should I just allow my problems to get to me and react with instinct, like most people would? I just feel like my "happiness" is an act that I can't stop performing. I'm not sure if you understand, but if you do could you please give me some advice? This is truly something I need some help figuring out, and I know that my mom doesn't take this seriously enough, because I've asked her about it and she made it seem like I was just joking around.

That's all for now. If you have something to share with me, please let me know...

Capt. over and out!

Comments (Page 1)

carebear07

on Jul 01, 2004

my oldest sister is a drug addict, she lost her first 3 children to her ex-husband, and her last child; she put up for adoption; is with my uncle. My next oldest sister had a child with a man who already had 2 children and a wife. My mom cries all the time because of all she has to do to keep them from loosing everything, and my little sister and I have a pretty good life other than for these few things.

Wow! I never knew all that was going on. It must be really hard for your mom. But she seems like the nicest woman you could ever meet. That has to suck big time!

It seems like no matter how much wrong someone has done to me, I still refuse to get mad. I hardly even show any emotion other than happiness, which I KNOW isn't always what I feel. My voice doesn't show the difference in how I'm feeling most of the time, so even when I am mad no one knows it.

Well I can't tell you why you refuse to get mad. Maybe it's because you've been taught by a very good mother and father, even though they're devorced. You've been taught to always forgive, so I guess maybe that's why you never show that you are mad. And believe it or not, sometimes you do show emotion wether you know it or not. Maybe I'm the only one who sees it, but trust me you do. I know you enough to know the kind of things that you'd probably get mad at, even though you don't show it. You might even try showing you're mad. I don't know if it's the best thing in the world to do, but hey you never know untill you try something, and i know it won't kill you to try.

Do you think I have anger-management problems?

No, Brandon, you do not have anger-management problems. Anger-management problems are more like when you get so angry at people and yell at them. If that makes any sense. You don't show anger, so therefore you don't have them.

Well, I hope I kinda helped you. As a good friend that's what I'm here to do. I may not be the best at giving advice, but I try my hardest to help when help is needed.

~carebear~

Ps: I'll keep your mom and sisters in my prayers

carebear07

on Jul 01, 2004

Sorry, the little yellow boxes are supposed to be around what you had in your article. For some reason my computer screwed it up.

~carebear~

wnx_decoy

on Jul 02, 2004

Have you ever seen the movie, Angermanagement? I'm talking about that kind of angermanagement problem. Maybe that's not really even a problem, but I feel like I have it if it is an honest to God problem.

Capt. over and out!

MasonM

on Jul 03, 2004

I'm no expert ( ex = has-been and a spurt is a drip under pressure) but I'd say that if you keep things bottled up (even so deep you don't experience them yourself) sooner or later you'll blow a fuse. I think that's what happens with all those postal workers.

Zoologist03

on Jul 03, 2004

Ah, Capt....you're problem is.....lack of assertion....and of course your refusal to get angry. You need to learn to...uh, let's say...whoop some ass....yeah...or at least yell at them....unleash your rage...it'll make you feel better...trust me...otherwise you'll get an ulcer or something....hehe...but seriously, you don't need to "keep up the happy"...it's alright to get pissed off once in awhile (a lot for me..lol)...and it's healthy I think...so...just start yelling at a freshman or something...it's a really effective method to calm down...( And if anyone messes with your car...kick their ass....you can do it...or get me to...anytime...hehe)

~Zoo

wnx_decoy

on Jul 03, 2004

You see guys. That's exactly it. I've been told these things all my life but the bible says to remain loving. My happiness is what keeps me loving like I feel I should be. Sure, that may sound weird (hearing some guy say it's all because he wants to love you) but that's kinda the problem. I believe that I should both get mad AND glad. But I can't help but stay int the glad state. My biblical understanding says that's the best way to go.

Capt. over and out!

mignuna

on Jul 03, 2004

capt., all of your emotions are valid, it's just that anger is less societally "acceptable". once created, tension needs to go somewhere. we can either direct it outwards at what we think is the "cause", or we can internalise it, as you do.

what you seem to be doing is mentally occupying the space between intention and action, and electing not to display a negative reaction for fear of causing harm or offence to another. that just makes you a good guy, albeit one with no outlet for anger. you have learned not to impose your anger on others because the circumstances of those around you have meant that your anger would only compound a bad situation for them.

the answer seems to be balance between what you feel is right and the feelings of others. and anger doesn't always have to be violent. it is possible to convey anger and explain your feelings whilst remaining rational, which you seem well able to do judging by this blog.

that, and write a cranky blog every so often. even if it's private. or call zoo and yell at him ... he seems keen for you to crack up

and i'll leave this huge comment with a quote:

"anybody can become angry - that is easy; but to be angry with the right person, and to the right degree, and at the right time, and for the right purpose, and in the right way - that is not within everybody's power and is not easy"
- aristotle

mig XX

wnx_decoy

on Jul 03, 2004

Well mig. I'm officially confused dude. Does that mean that I am ok to do as I am doing? Or that I should express my anger more?
Please enlighten.

Capt. over and out!

mignuna

on Jul 03, 2004

well capt, i guess it means that you must distinguish irritation from anger, and that you need to accept that you have a right to feel anger occasionally - it is a normal human response - but that you need to ensure that you express it in a way that won't just compound the situation.

mig XX

ps: maybe you call everone dude and i'm making a moot point, but i'm actually female. heh

Gideon MacLeish

on Jul 03, 2004

Do you think I have anger-management problems?

no, in fact, I envy you in many ways. As a typical type "A", my garage often looks like a hurricane hit it because of wrenches, sockets, etc, tossed across because I can't get the durn car fixed (see the threads on the brake problems of the last week, and you'll have some idea of the genesis of my frustration). That being said, I only act that way towards objects, never people or animals (as a matter of fact, I'm very avoidant when it comes to confrontation).

I think you exemplify the way we all should be more often (and I am learning, really I am): evaluate how important a problem is in the big picture, then react accordingly. Nothing wrong with being loving and tactful.

mignuna

on Jul 03, 2004

Nothing wrong with being loving and tactful

yeah !. what he said !

gideon ... well done, you

mig XX

greywar

on Jul 03, 2004

I have similar problems with expressing anger to strangers (I am getting better though) so on the rare occasions when I do become angry the effect is quite startling.

carebear07

on Jul 03, 2004

I believe that I should both get mad AND glad. But I can't help but stay int the glad state. My biblical understanding says that's the best way to go.

You know something, you are the only guy I know that follows almost everything the bible tells you to do. (in the state of right and wrong.) And I totally respect that out of you. I actually wish there were more guys out there that were like you. Take Ryan for example; if he didn't get mad about tiny little things all of the stinking time, I think he'd make out to be a better person than he is now. Don't get me wrong, he's like a brother to me, but i still think it would be a lot better.

And yes i have seen the movie angermanagement. And trust me dude, you don't have those kind of problems.

~carebear~

Zoologist03

on Jul 04, 2004

Don't get me wrong, he's like a brother to me, but i still think it would be a lot better.

How the hell is Ryan a brother to you?....Jeeze...he acts like a dick to you most of the time.....you must have some strange relationship...if he did half the stuff to me that he does to you...I'd throw him through a third story window...but I guess that's just me...

~Zoo

wnx_decoy

on Jul 04, 2004

maybe you call everone dude and i'm making a moot point, but i'm actually female.

Actually I DO just call everyone a dude. And yes I know I should use the more correct version, dudette? Would that make you feel better?

Capt. over and out!

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