When you walk into a quiet room and you know it's that way because of something you've done, what do you do? Do you ignore everyone and add to the selince? Or maybe you start trying to talk to everyone in hopes of getting their mind off of it. Maybe you could just try and please everyone be just leaving them alone and praying that whatever you did wrong will be in the past by the time you've returned to the room again.
I've decided to go another route that may be garder to deal with. I've decided to go make one more person ungappy in gorpes that the maforite will forgive me. The one person that was with me when I walked into this room is the one that I'll, most likely, end up leaving behind. ...Though I hope not even this one.
I don't know if what I'm doing now is helping, but, hopefully, it is. I've been standing here, listening to people whispering about me for a while now, and I think it's time to end it.
I messed with one of my friends earlier not knowing the full consequienced of my actions, and I don't see myself getting over THAT fact any time soo. In fact, I KNOW that this one is going to take some time to make-up, and I also know that I can't do anything that'll make everyone happy at this point.
As it has been stated before, I was irresponsible, mean, rude, callous, and many other things along those lines. All I can say about what I've done is that I thought I was doing the "right" thing, considering the circumstances. I see now, that I was wrong, but I"m trying to fix this now.
I"ve always considered myself to be a very cool, calm, and typically collected human being. From what I see now, looking back, I wasn't being me. When Brandon Costlow doesn't thinak about others first, we need to take a step back, and that's exactly what I'm trying to do.
I"m just gonna go back to July 13th because that was a day of peace for me.
The whole time I was doing all of this, one thought kept running through my mind... "Will God like that I'm doing this?" The whole time I was getting, "I don't know." for a response. This last time, however, I asked if God would aprove of me trying to start over, and I got a demanding "yes!" back.
I realize I can't solve all the problems I come up against, but I know God CAN. If I can get him to aid me in my journeys I'm sure I'll manage.
My only obstacle now, is cleaning up the mess I"ve made. If my round-about apology isn't enough then I'll do whatever it takes to make it up to everyone.
I recently had to break up with Ashlee because I read a few comments about getting to know people before making these kinds of decisions, and now, I'm willing to say I'm ready for round 2. I"ve made a couple new friends, strengthened friendship, and wanted nothing but the best outcome the whole time.
If I ever seemed to not care it's because I was confused, not because I really didn't care. Being called things I've never been called before relly hurt me. I've always been the kid to go to for help, but when people are trying to help me I push them away. I guess the adjectives used were necessary to get my attention though... So, thanks dharma, poetmom, bigdreamer, and everyone else who stepped in to try and show me that I did this all wrong.
Hopefully, this has shed some light on my side of the story, and explained some of the reasoning behind my actions.
One last thing before I let you go... I'm sorry for hurting Ashlee and Ashley, I'm sorry I did the things I've done, and I'm sorry I pulled half the world into it.
Capt. over and out!