All right, I'm sure that most of you who are reading this have read my last article and know that I promised this one. If you haven't read it, you may, but I'm not going to force you to. It wasn't the happiest of articles. Anyways, I think it's time for me to introduce my "apology"
I think I was in either 6th or 7th grade when, out of nowhere, one of my only "friends" starts doubling over from an asthma attack. He's a short and skinny little guy and he was the kid that what always breaking something like an arm or a leg.
I just sat there, in shock, as I watched the teacher call the ambulance and eventually see the ambulance come and take him away. I was scared and I was afraid to move because of what I had just witnessed. He was in pain and I couldn't do anything to help him.
Less than 30 minutes passed before the school secretary came over the a.p. saying that he had died. I basically watched a friend of mine die in front of me. I felt so helpless and like nobody else understood because I actually talked to him. All the other kids were crying because they never tried talking to him. Stupid, egotistical, worms!!! How could you possibly think it matters? I actually took the time to be his friend and for that reason I had the right to cry. They were only crying because they realized that they were heartless snakes to my friends because we weren't cool, and now that got to see forehand what happens to everyone and what it feels like to know that you made that persons life worse than you made it good. I loathe the popular kids because of that day. I despise the way they only acknowledge each other.
I never want to be like that, and that's why I refuse to be like everyone else. Everyone else would make fun of the odd-looking kid and talk about him/her behind his/her back. I won't do that. I just can't let that happen again. The boy’s best friends were crying for the next 2 or three days and the popular kids got over before the day was even over. How dare they even smile when they have treated him so poorly all of the years that he was at that school?
This is why I refuse to be another teen and why I refuse to leave anybody behind. If there is a kid at our school that can't talk to me it's not my fault. I have made an effort to get to know one of my peers since I moved to this school. The kids that don't let me are, again, the popular kids. If they were to die, I'm not sure if I'd even cry for them. I might out of respect for my Christian beliefs. Thankfully, God is merciful and he is teaching me to be the same.
Yesterday I woke up thinking about that, and every time I'd try talking to anybody that morning they'd strangely start by asking what's on my mind. Continuing to think about that I just couldn't keep myself in my usual good mood for the day. Perhaps God just wanted me to remember him, but whatever the case I did and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it for long.
I do hope that this at least sheds some light onto why I was behaving the way I was last night. I know it was uncalled for, but I believe THAT is the cause for my troublesome ways last night. Please believe that I did not mean any of the harsh things that came up last night (zombie) I just kept thinking that you were "the popular kids" and so I struck out. I'm just so sorry that I couldn't control my anger that had built up.
Thank you for hearing me out.
Capt. over and out!