“When you feel a little mess and you know it’s not for best… diarrhea!” ~Author unknown Do you stand up from your leather recliner and find a puddle coming from you fanny? Then try the all new… Deodorbutt from Costco. It takes the stick and stench out of your gluteus maximus while leaving it feeling soft as a naked mole rat. To use it apply to the outermost edge of the crusting areas. Then slowly massage the cheeks until the crème has been evenly distributed throughout the infecte...

You know... life is funny. You wake up, go to the refrigerator, and there's almost always something missing. Cheese. It's not like we eat if all. Most of it just runs away. But I have to know why we eat it. It has done nothing to us so we do we attack it's populus? Do you know? It's because we are mindless, eating machines, just like Bruce from Finding Nemo. He could only resist it until he realized that being nice to them isn't nearly as effective as eating them. That's our problem. You l...

Alright. I think it's safe for me to write this from my experience. These lessons took a while to learn but they seem to have paid off pretty well. The first thing you have to do is find another human being that is still breathing. This is usually a pretty easy step to follow. Now, make sure this person isn't already a friend or family member because they wouldn't be NEW friends, right? Good job. So, you have your person? Good! Now start a conversation with your person. Eventually they ...

I grew up waiting for you to come home from work and you never came. Mommy would say that you were working late and that she had to bring you home because it was getting too late for you to drive. I'd hit the ball during t-ball games and when I looked for my dad to be there cheering for me all I saw was momma. When I sacked the quarterback I found that you weren't there to congratulate me. Even when I scored my only soccer goal ever you weren't there to see it. What do you think would ...

This is my grandma Anna Bennett She died, for reasons I don't want to talk about, before I was born. Capt. over and out!

All right, I'm sure that most of you who are reading this have read my last article and know that I promised this one. If you haven't read it, you may, but I'm not going to force you to. It wasn't the happiest of articles. Anyways, I think it's time for me to introduce my "apology" I think I was in either 6th or 7th grade when, out of nowhere, one of my only "friends" starts doubling over from an asthma attack. He's a short and skinny little guy and he was the kid that what always breaki...

This week marks the beginning of my public speaking unit in senior skills. I think death by beebles is in this class now too, and he should know what I'm talking about. We have to debate in class and the only problem is that the only people that want to team up with me are people that believe what I believe on the issues at hand. I'm going to end up failing because everybody wants to please just a few people in our society. The mindless drones that infest our school systems are driving me...

I'm sure that a lot of you know now that I'm a senior in high school now, and as one I have had to think about a major I want to go into. At first I was like, "I'm going to be a music teacher." Now I'm thinking about just being in a band while getting a minor in education and majoring in communications. Maybe I could even just major in communications and play in a concert band. That way I'll just have the communications classes and whatever classes I need for band. I've recently thought a...

Now, seriously, how do you know if you are lusting or loving. You look at people these days and you see a lot of "love" in their eyes. The only question is, "Is that true love or is it true lust?" I've wondered that for so long that I just decided to give up on figuring it out myself. I'm sure that if I ever truly end up loving someone I'll know but so far everytime I've thought I loved someone I found that I really was just lusting. She was pretty but after she left me I realized what I felt...

Alright, here's another riddle... I'll give you 4 locations to guess. First, I'm going to Asheville. Then, I'm going to Pennsylvania. Next, is Pittsburg. After that I'm going to Lancaster. Then, England. Where am I going last? First, I'm going to Lithopolis. Then, I'm going to Argentina. Where am I going next? Today, I'm going to Tennessee. Tomorrow, I'm going to England. Saturday i'm going to Xenia. Next, I will go to Alabama. After that, we go to Switzerland. Where am I going last?...

Alright guys try and figure this out. Nobody give it away for a week or so. It’s a “riddle” I guess. I don’t really know what else to call it though. Ok… so, I have the hat. I give it to Brad. Brad gives it to dharmagrl. Dharmagrl gives it to Gem City Joe. Gem City Joe gives it to apdelong. Apdelong gives it to suspected. Who has the hat? After a few replies… if I feel like there has been enough activity to figure it out I’ll let anyone know that doesn’t already get it… Then if you want...

So, I was talking to one of my friends today when I remembered to ask them something that my mom told me to ask people at school... Well, let's just do it this way: Brandon: Hey Alex, do you wanna buy a duck? Alex: A what?! Brandon: A duck. Alex: Does it quack? Brandon: Yeah, it quacks. Alex: (turns to Shaun) Hey Shaun, do you wanna buy a duck? Shaun: A what?! Alex: (turns to Brandon) A what? Brandon: A duck. Alex: (turns back to Shaun) A duck. Shaun: Does it quack? Alex: (turns...

Yesterday, I realized that I can't think straight once I get on MSN messenger. All I ever get accomplished is a bunch of gibberish. Just the other day I got onto the subject of peeing. It started seriously with asking if it was normal to pee as seldomly as I do. Then slowly it got worse. We started talking about what color pee should be, and eventually started talking about looking at it. I was saying that if you look at your pee it's pretty easy to tell if you've had enough water for the ...

Ok, let's see if you can see the recuring theme here. So, one of my friends lost a practice jersey for soccer and so his dad (assistant coach) makes the team run for it. Another friend's mom decides to yell at her daughter for hugging her boyfriend. Said mother yells, "PDA!" to try and stop said friend. Now, it get's a bit more close to home... A teacher gives an F for not being able to find words a student doesn't know. A coach keeps a player out of the game because he USED t...

When you used to think about what you wanted to be when you grew you did you say that you wanted to be a chemist who just does his job because he's getting paid well enough to stand it, or did you say you wanted to be a Major League Baseball player who just does his job because it's fun? I'm sure there are reasons behind every choice, no matter how bad a choice you make. I just want to know WHY you wanted the job you have or wish you had. I want to be a music teacher because I love music ...